001 ♑ [video/text + action for new bark]

[soporeffective]

[The video feed switches on, but for some reason, Gamzee starts to type instead of speaking, not even looking into the camera. Perhaps he hadn't noticed he'd initiated the video function, as well. He's got a messy mop of curls on his head, and they insist on falling in his eyes every time he brings that painted face down to look at his Pokégear.]

HeYyY My rIgHtEoUs fReAkY-DeAkY PiNkLaNd iNhAbItAtInG MoThErFuCkErS. :o)
Or wHoEvEr aLl mAy bE At bEiNg tHe mOsT MoThErFuCkIn lUcKiEsT Of rEcIpIeNtS At mY TeXtUaL WeLl-wIsHeS.
I Be aLl sEeMiNg tO Be aT Up aNd hAvInG WhAt's aLl gOtTa bE BeInG LiKe, ThE MoSt wIcKeD Of hAlLuCiNoGeNiCaLlY InDuCeD PiE DrEaMs a mOtHeRfUcKeR WaS EvEr aLl tO Be uP AnD HaViNg fOr hImSeLf, HaHaHa!
I WaSn't eVeN AlL KnOwInG WhAt i cOuLd bE Up iN A PlAcE FoR ImAgInInG BeInG OnE Of tHeM WhO'S AlL SkInNeD In tHe bRoWnY PiNk sHaDeS.
WhAt aLl a bRoThEr's tHiNkPaN CaN Be gEtTiNg aT BeInG ImAgInInG In cOnTiNuEs aLl tO Be a mOtHeRfUcKiN MiRaClE EaCh aNd eVeRy gOd dAmN DaY! :oD

[He looks genuinely carefree, a big ol’ grin slapped on his face. Soon enough, however, his expression falls into that of a more thoughtful nature, though it retains all of its pleasantness.]

BuT, uHhH...
CoUlD I AlL MaYbE Be aSkIn oN A LiTtLe mOtHeRfUcKiN AsSiStAnCe iN, lIkE, wHaT ThE FuCk i'm tO Be uP AnD DoInG AbOuT WoRkIn tHeSe fUnKy hUmAn dIgS?
AnD FuRtHeRmOrE, mAyBe bE GeTtInG YoUr eXpLaIn oN At mE WhY AlL I GoT A FaT PiNk mOtHeRfUcKeR AlL PlOpPeD Up nIcE AnD CoMfY In mY DaMn lAp?
AlL I WaS DoInG WaS GeTtInG My bOnK AnD PrOd oN At tHe fUnNy mOtHeRfUcKiN JuGgLe bAlLs i gOt hErE WiTh mE WhEn dUdE Up aNd iNvAdEd mY MoThErFuCkIn bUbBlE LiKe hE AlL WaS OwNiNg tHe hIvE.
NoT ThAt iT AiN'T No tHiNg, I AlL Be a bRoThEr bElIeViNg iN ShArInG ThE MoThErFuCkIn sPaCe. :o)
I ThInK ThErE WaS SoMe mAnUaLs oR FuCkIn sOmEtHiNg bUt i aIn't sUrE WhErE AlL ThOsE DuDeS WeRe tO Be gEtTiNg uP AnD At.
ThInK I AlL WaS To dRoP ThEm wHeN I SpIlLeD ThE StUfF OuT Of mY HeLlA DoPe bAcKpAcK.
If nOt, It aIn't nO BiG!
I Be aLl sUrE In tHiS MoThErFuCkEr fIgUrInG ThE NoIsE WhAt's lIkE ThAt iS AlL MoThErFuCkIn sTrAiGhT OuT AnD ShIt!
MiRaClEs dOn't fAiL To bE GeTtInG ThEiR HeLp oN At nO MoThErFuCkEr iN NeEd!

[Gamzee takes a moment to visually assess his message, eyes slowly drifting across the screen before becoming obviously distracted halfway through and flicking up to stare at his surroundings. The feed remains on indefinitely.]

☮☮☮

[Later, he had taken to walking. Gamzee had never before tread with feet whose toenails did not push up against the tips of his sneakers. Never before had his head felt so weightless, bereft of its usual pair of massive horns and pointed ears. He could have likened it, perhaps, to the feeling of disjointed euphoria he’d always experienced from a choice tin of sopor – that first taste when you know the shit’s still hot but you all get to be bringing it up in for a taste anyways? Yeahhh. That’s the one. In fact, that wasn’t far off from what he’d been telling himself ever since he’d woken up in this place, disoriented yet pleasantly curious. He’d been briefed about his stay and his new partner, information he paid little attention to, because rules and regulations were just stuffy drivel that no decent whimsical motherfucker ever was to be getting his follow on of. Besides, the scenery and lushness of the land here was too distracting for him to have listened to that hoofbeastshit even if he’d wanted to.]

[Attempting to coerce any sort of conversation, decipherable or not, from the fat, pink creature that was apparently under his immediate supervision proved to be a fruitless endeavor. The only responses he got from it were extremely drawn-out and seemed to tax the thing more than Gamzee was interested in doing. It wasn’t chill to be all forcing a bro to be speaking when all he wasn’t feeling on doing it, for sure. He figured he’d supply the conversation for the both of them, hoisting the little dude (who was decidedly not little) up into his arms and lugging it along as he wandered down the 29th route.]

So, like, you all get your motherfuckin’ live on at what’s this greeny-planty joint all’s at being?

[He began, turning a blithe gaze towards the treetops and carrying on barefoot. His things had been packed away in the bag slung over his shoulder, but Gamzee had neglected to zip it up properly. As a result, all of his belongings were tumbling out of the knapsack as he continued down the trail.]

Or maybe you all is fuckin’ just being a dopey dreamer like this motherfucker? Get your wake on up in here like all just was to be doin’?

[He jostled the critter in his arms, attempting to elicit a response. It stared blankly ahead, swishing its tail laboriously.]

Bro of silence, ain’t you motherfuckin’ just? Nah, no worries, my wicked motherfucker. You ain’t gotta be speaking for all the motherfuckin’ miracles to get their hear on of you. Miracles be a funny motherfucking thing, in that they all be having their notice going of you when all you be least expecting it. Be what’s so fuckin’ great on them brothers, you know?

[He laughed to himself, readjusting his grip on his new friend as his new, pink-skinned feet turned a more familiar gray from the dirt and dust they were collecting.]

No offense to your ass, motherfucker, but I all be hoping I be snappin’ up out this halluci-motherfucking-nation sooner than fucking later, ’cause now that I be thinkin’ on it, I was pretty sure on what I got somethin’ important goin’ on that fucking needs all going back to...

Comments

text;

[ghostytrainer]

[When John initially sees that familiar indigo screw you, Hussie text and face, his initial reaction is to keep scrolling on past it with something of a heavy heart. At least until he notices the quirk. And the look on Gamzee's face. There are no scars this time, and he's back to typing like an internet weirdo again. Could he actually be...]

[He glances over the other responses. Yup, sure looks like it. He's high again.]

listen to aradia about the berries thing, dude, trust me.
you do not want to eat those.
you're in that human skin because reasons. like that's really all that can be said about it because nobody has any idea why that happens.
it just does.
you will probably get used to it pretty quick!
the fat pink thing is probably your starter, but i can't actually see it from the angle you are holding the camera.
it's one of the native creatures of this world and it will be your first companion of many!
like aradia said, this is basically human fiduspawn from what i understand. only in real life.
it's fun.

[He probably shouldn't have said anything because there's always a chance that Gamzee will go back to his crazed self here. But he's really missed the doped up dope. It's been over a year since the last time they had a conversation that didn't leave John feeling vaguely creeped out.]

[soporeffective]

[Holy fucking shitballs everyone here had a LOT to say!!! Which, to be honest, was something Gamzee was pretty used to. Karkat never shut the fuck up - it was one of his more endearing traits, and Gamzee could stare at walls and walls of gray Courier before he ever got bored (even if he wasn't fully paying attention to most of it, didn't make it any less entertaining). He employed the same methods here. Even if he was extremely interested in whatever anyone had to say to him at the moment, his brain just couldn't focus on a lot of text at once.]

[Grinning, Gamzee decided to rely solely on the video feed in the hopes that he'd be able to pay better attention.]

'Sup, my brightest of blue shiny motherfuckers? Uhhh, ain't meaning no disrespect or fuckin' nothin', but bro, I ain't got a damn clue who the fuck's getting their most wicked of hideouts on behind that text, yo.

[They seemed to know a lot about him, so he assumed it was one of his friends. But no one he knew used that color text. He forgets about that pretty quickly, however, because he soon turns his device to face the Slowpoke meandering along the ground not too far away.]

This motherfucker! Yeahhh!!! He's all was being pretty dope at me up and earlier. We was getting our friendlies on somethin' motherfuckin' miraculous, brother!

[The camera falls slightly, and Gamzee has obviously lost himself in thought for a moment. Eventually, though, he comes around.]

I ain't never paid much motherfuckin' attention all at them rules of such the game what's Fiduspawn was...

Ah well, was more of fuckin' a hands-on type of motherfucker anyways!

[ghostytrainer]

oh, right. sorry.

[Sure enough, John obliges and switches over from text to video. Hey look it's one of those human kids. The one Karkat was always yelling about. The goofy one with the bad teeth and windy powers.]

That would be me. John? [He offers a small wave.] You know the... guy from the human session. Haha. But that's good though because this is a very hands on thing! Which is much better than a video game, in my opinion.

But yes, that "motherfucker" is your starter. He's a Slowpoke!

[Which is... oddly fitting for Gamzee, in John's opinion.]

[soporeffective]

[Gamzee almost recognized that face. He had seen it on Karkat's monitor a few times, but his memory wasn't really anything to write home about, so he wouldn't be certain it was the same human kid he'd only managed to see in passing. But! John had managed to explain away any doubts he'd had about the kid's identity. What a considerate motherfucker!]

[Gamzee grinned. There was no need to be self-conscious of any tooth abnormalities, here, because Gamzee's human teeth were only marginally less jacked up than his troll fangs were. They were sort of crooked and had a bunch of gaps between them, but at least they weren't covered in sopor stains anymore.]

[With a wave of his hand, he returned John's greeting with fervor.]

Nice to be gettin' my introduce on at you, dog! I'm Gamzee! Er...

[His head turned to face Slowpoke, who abruptly stopped making noises at a patch of grass, turning its head to meet Gamzee's eyes and staring idiotically.]

Hahaha, that be what all this motherfucker's handle is at fuckin' being? Been kinda hard to get a peep outta him what don't stretch on like what's the God damn ocean do.

[Gamzee scratched at his head absently, turning back to John's image.]

Thanks, brother. You been much motherfuckin' more helpful than what all that bourgeois texty-pamphlet shit was all up to fuckin' be.

[ghostytrainer]

[This is... really nice. Somewhat frustrating, sure, but John will take this Gamzee over his whacked-out future self any day. He hadn't really realized how much he'd missed it.]

[He waves a hand dismissively, smiling a little.]

Hey, it's no problem! I am happy to help.

But yes, that is his species name, at least. You can name him whatever you would like though, just don't change it too many times or he will get confused. They aren't really too fond of that.

As for the "peeping" well... to be honest, I would be surprised if you HAD heard a peep out of him that you could actually understand. Pokémon don't normally speak our language. Though... since Slowpoke is part psychic type, he might learn to eventually communicate with you telepathically?

[John isn't holding his breath though. This is Slowpoke we're talking about here.]

[soporeffective]

[John, honey. Slow down. Gamzee's still trying to figure out how he's going to remember this dude's name, but now there's shit about it being psychic and talking to him telepathically?]

Wait--

[Gamzee's eyes widen for a moment, and he shoots a wary glance at his counterpart, who doesn't move. When he speaks next, he cups a hand to the side of his mouth, whispering into his Pokégear.]

You mean... dude can all motherfuckin' be gettin' his muchly-invasive peek on into my God damn thinkpan?

[ghostytrainer]

Err... [He gives the Slowpoke a very unsure glance.]

Proooobably not yet. But it's possible that he might learn how to eventually. It's something that kind of comes with experience and age, most of the time.

[There's also the whole intelligence factor but...]

[soporeffective]

Uh... whoa...

[We're talking long-term plans, here. This is, uh, actually throwing a metaphorical stick in his metaphorical spokes.]

"Eventually"? I ain't no brother to be fuckin' hurrying shit along premature, but, uh...

Wasn't all planning on makin' this a fuckin' extended stay, you know?

[ghostytrainer]

Mmm... well you unfortunately don't have much of a say in that. You might eventually get sent back, but we don't call the shots as far as leaving and going is concerned. There's no real pattern to it either, some of us have been here for years err... sweeps? That's what the troll calendar is divided into, right?

Anyway, then there are others who have only lasted a couple of weeks. Some who have come and gone several times, and others who have only ever been here once. [He shrugs.] You really just never know.

[soporeffective]

[For the severity of the situation, Gamzee looks utterly nonplussed. He laughs, even, somewhat thoughtfully.]

Well, all right, bro, if you be all sayin' on the shit that motherfuckin' way.

Guess there ain't nothin' I can be doin' on it 'cept for to be all gettin' my wicked move on in all whatever the fuck it is this place be wanting me to do, right? If all that be what the miracles what fuckin' dropped my sorry waste chute here be directing up in me to be doing, ain't got much say in all fuckin' that noise, I think.

[He perks up.]

Thanks for all gettin' your assist on in a brother in fuckin' dire need, motherfucker. When all I get my see on of you for fuckin' real, we should all get our illest of chills on like a pair of bros ought to be motherfuckin' doing, you feel me?

[ghostytrainer]

It's no prob, happy to help. And I would... [He hesitates. Part of him would like to get his chill on with Gamzee, despite the protests of the other part which would like to remind him that dude is actually bugfuck crazy beneath the stoner exterior. That and Rose will probably have his head for actually spending time with him.] ...like that, yeah. We will have to see about that if or when we ever happen to be in the same place.

Is Karkat going to pick you up then?

[He has no idea about the fact that Karkat and Gamzee pale-broke up back home. Dude neglected to mention that fact.]